G. Gearloose Model "A" Chicken Door Closer

Even More Totally New & Improved! if you can believe it and even if you can't Bad CoonBrand Chicken Door Closer Protects the little dears from carnage and violence, so you can go to the movies and not worry This is another "better design" improvement over the previous Kaczynski mousetrap model and the Goldberg model X. None of these designs need microprocessors, welding, or power source (other than gravity). The improvements in this model are in the relocation of a shock absorber that slows the doors decent, and modifications to accept (almost) any wind-up alarm clock. The shock absorber is from a car (any kind of oil filled shock from a light weight car like Nissan, VW, or Cooper will do, ask for a junk one at a garage. People often replace both when only one is bad. It doesn't need to be new, but the rod should pull out slowly and push in easily), Please note: your design doesn't have to look as tacky as mine unless you're intolerant of too much tech, the frame used here is a scrap 2x4, but a beam of carbon fiber honeycomb sandwiched between 16 gauge sheets of titanium-boron will probably work as well. This can be mounted on the henhouse wall at the best angle to accommodate the location of the door. Care should also be taken so the trigger can fall free when the alarm rings. The reason for the 2x2 arm is to accommodate any length of door drop, just use a longer 2x2 for more drop. It'll also give you control over speed vs weight. If you attach the door cord closer to the hinge for less drop (or with a light weight door), it may take awhile for the door go down. Mount the shock absorber with the upper pivot located above the hinge (see above drawing), so the shock absorber passes over the hinge as the 2x2 arm swings out. That allows the door to begin moving slowly and speed up as it closes (to give warning to any hens lounging in the doorway), but allows the full weight of the door to bear against the threshold when the door is closed, thus giving coons minimal space to slide a fingernail under the door. I've never had that happen but it's possible given an unlimited number of coons with nothing else to do for an infinite length of time, the odds are in their favor. (see Raccoon discourse) Extra weight (like a pier block) added to the door would help too, the shock absorber should easily handle 15 or 20 lbs, but it would be a strain for people to lift as well. A better plan would be some kind of cam arrangement attached to the door that jams unless raised by the cord: (youtube [2] [3] or for simplicity see lower left corner of the above drawing). ..um, while I'm linking to youtube: here's an excellent powered DIY opener. The shock absorber should have a nylon loc-nut or several nuts locked together on the upper mounting bolt to prevent the friction of the rubber grommet from turning a single nut after several flex cycles. Said turning could loosen the bolt and alter the restraint on the 2x2 causing it to either freeze up or drop the door, either case resulting potentially in unspeakable carnage. (I bet the CIA is eating this up dudes, so don't carry one of these onto an airplane). View 1 Drive a headless nail (b) into the 2x4 above the secondary trigger (e) which keeps it (e) from sliding up the straightened primary (c) when under pressure. ( Yay photoshop! ) Alarm shutoff thingie (w/ rubber bumper from a piece of automotive vacuum tube) is mounted on the Varnax Pivot. Trigger alignment guide headless nail. Primary trigger lodged behind alarm winder is released when the winder turns as the alarm goes off. Screw eye for primary trigger attachment. Secondary trigger holds the weight of the door. Flawless New design View 2(with & without clock) They're closeups because there's a wall immediately behind the camera. The clock is mounted to the 2x4 this time with a slotted metal clip (b) instead of a bungie, the clock base slides under the clip with a slot for the clock body. The metal used is about 22 gauge equal to that used in oil drums or car bodies, but a bungie & wood frame fusarium1 to hold the clock seems like a better plan in retrospect because I had to make a brace to press against the front of the clock anyway (flimsy plastic base & I was afraid it would break). Don't use $10-$20 Chinese clocks, they're cheap knock-offs. I've replaced all (5) of the $10 clocks made in China and sold through Rite-Aid, Wallmart, Target, etc, and I'm not happy with them. An Amazon.com customer review. A heads-up for any windup clock: I never noticed that my clock ran 3 minutes fast per day because I only used it occasionally, but once I used it for a week without resetting and it advanced 20 minutes. Eventually it closed the door before the hens got in and they had to sleep outside (no casualties). Clock face support fusarium1 Clock base clip Varnax Pivot board and alarm button pusher thingie Showing the set trigger. When the alarm rings, the winder turns, and releases the primary trigger View 3 From below Henhouse roof boards w/ cobwebs. Plywood Fusarium1. Bottom of the shock absorber. 2x2 arm. Another cheap clock. Old baggie from previous dust prevention episode. Primary trigger. Alarm shutoff wire. Secondary trigger fits under primary trigger to reduce leverage. It attaches to the side of the 2x4 to allow the ring hasp to slip off easily. The back of the clock showing the flanged base that slips under the mounting clip (view 2-b), and plastic bag dust seal Too much dust in the hen house will work it's way inside the clock. Therefore; either sweep and dust often, or just put the dang clock in a clear plastic produce bag and fasten it with a twist tie. Pull the bag tight around the clock and poke pinholes in the bag at the location of the knobs and winders, the winders have to be on the outside (they unscrew contrary to the winding direction) carefully stretch the plastic over the knobs without making any gaping holes, and poke the winders through the plastic from the outside. The arrow points to a piece of automotive rubber vacuum tube stuck over the alarm shut-off button to cushion the pressure of the shutoff wire thingie ("Varnax Pivot"), and give it a bigger target to hit. Click here for Varnax drawings and info Every time you set the alarm you'll pull on that tube, so a wire twisted tightly around the tube holds it firm yet allows it to be removed (as opposed to glue which is hard to remove) in case you need to replace the bag. If it still pulls off easily, wrap some fine wire or string around the stem, with glue. (string provides a ribbed gripping surface for the tube). When the glue's dry, slide the tube on like before. I recommend "Household Goop" (glue) To adjust the primary triggers' pressure against the alarm winder, position the secondary trigger under the primary trigger, either closer or farther from the clock. Closer allows more pressure against the winder, farther away = less pressure. With a further series of triggers this way, it's possible to hold a door weighing tons. Our coons are sometimes very bad, but they haven't yet got past a 5 lb door (A lot depends on the doors' fit though, so they can't get a tooth or finger around it). The right pressure on the trip mechanism is when the trigger rests snugly yet lightly against the winder handle, somewhere between the following extremes: Falling off prematurely whenever a clock manufacturer in China laughs out loud, or Pressing so hard that the clock base snaps off, hurtling the clock gratifyingly against the far wall. Longer triggers allow a greater range of adjustability. When the right pressure is found, drive a finish nail into the wood 2x4 frame to mark the spot & use the nail as a rest for the secondary trigger. 29 June 2012 Handy sunset/sunrise reference for setting the alarm: www.sunrisesunset.com Raccoon discourse: On the bright side, Raccoons are EDIBLE and the food they eat is almost always washed because coons don't produce saliva so they have to wash it in water to help swallow. The bad news is they bite, sleep all day, fight all night, produce poorly, smell bad, don't lay eggs, eat garbage in the dark, and loathe poultrymen with undying contempt. They also carry a parasite worm that can infect dogs and people. (fight 'em or join 'em ... tough choice). I totally recommend live-trapping them & if you don't want to COOK THEM, take the biggest male to the vet & have him fixed (for around $40 if they'll do it ... you love your chickens don't you?). Farm animals and pets are castrated early so they won't become aggressive, but if they've already matured, it's too late to unlearn that behavior, and that's perfect for this purpose. Because then he'll keep all the other coons out of his territory (which presumably includes your coop or he wouldn't be there), and he won't sire any more. Once he decides the coop is unassailable, he'll probably leave it alone. Whereas every new litter of kits would have to test your coop again & again. If he doesn't leave it alone, he's probably starving, so put some crunchies or something in a bowl near your neighbors property line to get him through the winter. If you don't he might starve (I guess they do that, though it seems odd) & you'll have to start all over w/ another vet bill. Or you can sedate & castrate them yourself (unless you're a sniveling, spineless coward. What's the worst that could happen? Just leave a door open, they don't chase too far). To catch the biggest male, you'll probably have to wade through a succession of younger ones. These might be translocated if they're a year old, but that's also when they taste best because they're not tough yet. At any rate, late winter/ early spring is a good time to put out traps. Dominant males will be territorial then because breeding season is approaching, and a cage full of wondrously dumb birds is prime turf for checking out the lady omnnivores. Usually, adults weigh 10-20 lbs (the bigger the better), but there are population variations. Northern varieties weigh more (62 lbs record from Wisconsin), southern coons weigh less. Here's wikipedia for further reading so you can see what size to look for. Another option might be releasing them somewhere distant so they can't find their way back, but please let me disillusion you: places like Tahiti and Antarctica have strict quarantine regulations for just this reason. I've heard though that European hipsters actually import them for exotic pets (!) so there might be some money there. But any place closer (like Patagonia) especially with a direct migratory pathway, will see them back home (like cats) in a finite number of days (approximately = to total miles divided by 10, unless they get killed or diverted by better pickings). I'm thinking the best way to get rid of females is in spring (March & April) before they give birth (between May & July). If you can drive them more than 630 miles away (divided by 10 = 63 days, which is the length of gestation) there's a good chance the kits will be someone else's problem. Ok, I admit, they're cute (youtube) if you don't have poultry. More raccoon facts. But ..uh, of course there's always the "Other" raccoons (youtube). Mendocino County, my home. Genuine testimonials: Thanks Bill, I feel totally enlightened. I wish I had this device 10 years ago. After losing flock after flock of ducks and ducklings, and a couple of geese we got tired of raising prime food for the coons. Cheers. Arlene Fuller, Mendocino County 4-H This is a rave on Bill's low-tech chicken door gizmo. Before, whenever we wanted to go out for the evening, we'd have to get a neighbor to come close the coop door. My favorite part is the shock absorber, which makes the door come down slowly, not slamming down on any poor hens. My least favorite part is the mouse trap (obsolete by popular demand), so Steve sets it, not me. Indeed, this invention has made life easier for us all. Barbara Faulkner, Mendocino Music Festival coordinator (piano teacher & cat herder) Mission Statement The primary objective to develop the Kaczynski "Bad Coon" Mark I concept design and hardware with direct scaleability is: directly scaleable weights, margins, loads, design, fabrication methods and testing approaches: traceability, technology, and general design similarity, to a full-scale Mark II (Goldberg) system. The "Bad Coon" is intended to demonstrate the technologies necessary to achieve systems integration within the mass fraction constraints of chicken coop door closeing devices. In addition, the "Bad Coon" will meet operational requirements outlined in the Mil-Spec CCDCD. Pg 244, sec 18, pp 7-16. The "Bad Coon" Mark II (Goldberg model) is envisioned to operate unpersoned. 1. Fusarium is the genus name of a group of pathogenic fungi, and has nothing to do with design engineering or structural nomenclature even though it sounds like it should. Ditto Varnax Pivot (because I just made it up). However I predict the latter will eventually enter the lexicon of timeless building terminology with such handy words as "Soffit", "Header", "Fusee", and "Jefferies Tube". Because like them, it fills a reference vacuum with a concise description recognizable to anyone in the profession.

For lack of a better term, this thing is called
the Bad CoonBrand
"Varnax Pivot"

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The purpose of this gadget is to shut off the alarm as soon as it trips so the chickens don't freak out. Solution (1) is the drawing & pictures shown to the right. A pivoted board is kind of complicated, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. If I made another one, I'd use a hinge either in place of the pivot or like Solution (2). The yellow block is a little board that pivots on a fixed bolt. It's longer and heavier on the left side so it tilts the right side up to hit the alarm button when released. The pivot bolt is the yellow dot, it's 5/16 diameter, anchored in the 2x4. It passes through a short piece of 3/8 copper tube which is glued inside the hole passing through the yellow Varnax board (that'll be a 3/8 inch hole in the Varnax), and used as a bushing together with metal washers on each side of the Varnax board, and a nylon loc-nut. The little red dot on the yellow board is a headless nail which is secured by the 2x2 arm in the left drawing and holds the varnax board in ready position. A wire is attached to the other end, which pokes the alarm button when the trigger is tripped. From the time the alarm goes off, the headless nail is released, and the board flips up to press against the hammer, takes less than a second.

Solution 2

Another alarm button pusher: (solution #2 --->) A light weight bungie about 8 or 10 inches long tied to a hinged board. The bungie cord, (maybe an elastic hair tie) acts as a spring, (so it still allows the henhouse door to close when it pulls taunt, it should have just enough tension to pull the alarm button off (i.e. not much). I haven't made this version, but it seems pretty simple. It's probably not as quick to shut off the alarm as Solution 1, (maybe 2 or 3 seconds) so you might have to dampen the alarm bell somehow so the birds don't get upset.

VW Muffler Doughnut Hack

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Um, ok here's a hack for those worthless VW muffler donuts: These last 10x longer than factory donuts. They can still get knocked loose though if the rock's big enough.

I came to this solution because I drive my VW's off road a lot with an exhaust extractor so the muffler is low under the rear right. It was always getting hit, so it leaked & cops kept stopping me for the noise. If the engine's reasonably cool, these can be replaced on the side of the road in 10 minutes without removing your muffler, (5 minutes if you're fast).

Spin a 12 inch length of fat yarn out of coarse steel wool, load it with Versachem Muffler Weld muffler patch. It's made from Sodium Silicate and clay, it's like stove cement but finer, sold in plastic tubes or flat cans.

Remove the muffler clamps that go around the exhaust pipes, force some of the paste in between where the heat exchanger exhaust pipe fits into the extractor tube, and wrap the steel wool string(yarn) around the exhaust pipe where the doughnut should go so it's a little larger than than necessary. Replace the clamps. Don't gun the engine for a while, or wait till morning. The stuff dries hard pretty fast, so wash it off your hands before that happens.

I don't sell this stuff, but you can give me money anyway.

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Electric Wheelbarrow Notes

Drive Sprocket Ford Bendix Arc-weld Go-button / trigger Approximate Color Legend: lt blue/grey = iron black/gray = motorcycle green = power reduction blue = v-belt tensioners beige = wood This wheelbarrow was made in 1984, I sold it a few years later when I moved. Based on a medieval Chinese design, it was built to transport unlimited firewood by deer trail (where a 4x4 won't go) from nearby logging slash piles to my house for heat, without leaving obvious tracks for the lumber company to follow (in case they needed their refuse back). The drawing (above) is from memory and shows how I'd make the next one. I used an electric motor instead of gas because it's quiet, though a gas motor would be lighter, cheaper, and go farther between refills (hours instead of 20 minutes). ~ 1/2 inch Plywood sides and floor ~ 1/2 inch Plywood removable motor/battery cover (not shown, has no fasteners) rests here and on 3/4 inch water pipes, which are also the handles ~ Brake Cable ~ Angel-iron from bed frame ~ Volt meter Removable wooden wheel cover is not shown ~ 6 inch sprocket ~ 8 inch pulley (extra was unnecessary) ~ Ford Bendix * ~ 1.25 inch spindle pulley ~ Starter Solenoid ~ 10 inch pulley ~ wire to 'go' switch ~ belt tensioner It has only one speed. The power is from a ford starter w/ a 1.25 inch v belt Spindle Pulley (they seem hard to find; to get the right dimensions, I had to make one). The "Go" switch is a momentary button connected to a starter solenoid. The 10 inch driven pulley turns a jack shaft with the starters' bendix attached to the drive sprocket, so the wheelbarrow can be pushed forward without disengaging the belt, but that makes it tricky going downhill with a load because nothing's holding it back, so the left hand controls a hand brake to the motorcycle wheel. If the grounds muddy, the tire will skid, so use a knobby instead of one like mine. Two Jack shafts drive a chain & sprocket that turns the wheel. The fender hump in the middle isn't a problem and the big wheel will push 250 pounds over soft ground, and 400+ over hard ground. More can be carried but balance becomes awkward, and a lot of weight overwhelms the brake on hills. It's easier going uphill than downhill because the feet don't drag as easily on the uphill, but dropping a load going uphill could be dangerous. The crooked Hinge Pin* (above right) was a quick solution to pulleys that moved out of alignment under load. A real engineer would redesign the whole thing, but a mechanic settles for whatever works. Space, weight, and balance could be improved with a worm drive gearbox, but they cost $130 - $300 as of 2012. A used 50 Amp Hour battery (which fit in back because of it's low profile) gives 15 - 20 minutes of pulling. Without a load, the handle weight is noticeable, so a larger battery could be mounted far forward below the bed (see above drawing), to help balance and give more operating time. Some kind of flat pack battery would be even better. The original didn't have one because I thought the front might be lowered flat to the ground and used as a ramp for rolling awkward stuff on & off, but that didn't work too well. The liability of the battery in front is from hitting things that can't be seen when walking behind. But anything that big would tip everything over if it struck amidship, so think of it as a bumper. I totally recommend used angle-iron from an old bed frame, they're made with laminated strips of high and low tensile steel which is lightweight and resists fatigue. You'll see when you try to cut it w/ a hacksaw. The motorcycle fork is welded to the angle iron. All the plywood (except the wheel boot and motor cover) is fastened to the frame with 1/4 inch carriage bolts spaced about 14 inches to 20 inches apart. The single speed was a compromise between rough & smooth terrain: it's sort of tedious to move (when empty) because it's heavy if you push (a load can be balanced but no-load can't), and relatively slow if you use the motor. But a higher fixed speed in the woods with a load invites disaster on uneven ground. Another design might use a current-chopper to slow the motor, with a thumb levered control to regulate the speed. It depends on your preference & wallet. A chopper will also extend the battery's charge. I've heard that a current-chopper can be made from 2 additional motors (see below), which are: another (un-wired) starter (B), driven by a smaller dc motor (C ) with a variable speed control (like these: google, or maybe a heater fan rheostat control from a car). Remove the copper windings from a junk starter (B), shorten it down with a hacksaw to save space, and twist the cut wires together for every other opposing copper contact plate so the current goes in through one brush, and directly across to the opposite plate (contact brush), and on to starter-A. When the shaft turns, the contact becomes intermittent (chopped) because very other plate is un connected. Install the chopper so the (+) power to starter-A passes through the contact plates of starter-B. When the chopper turns, it delivers juice to (A) in short pulses, the closer the pulses are together, the more continuous the current and the faster the wheelbarrow goes. The small motor (C ) should have a 1 or 2 amp speed control (and not suck 60Amps). Jack-shafts & pulleys will still be necessary, but it'll have a wider speed range. The front large green pulley could be reduced from 8" to 5 or 6" dia. Possibly smaller so slow chopping won't make the wheel lurch. This kind of tech is 40 yrs out of date, but on the bright side: it's proven and won't fry a circuit board (doesn't have any) (emp survivable). A solid state chopper would use less electricity but one big enough to handle 60 amps could be expensive. So maybe replace the rheostat with a small solid state chopper. Or you can find the right size 12v rheostat in '50's - '60's cars & trucks used to control the heater fan, interior lights, etc. If you make one of these, send me a picture & I'll post it here. If you insist on circuit boards, check out this Radioshack video about making a variable speed DC motor control (YouTube). Meanwhile in China:

Geese

Subjectivity is a road that goes someplace but doesn't connect to a road system.

Objectivity is a road system that connects to other roads but all together they're still just another form of subjectivity because the roads only connect to (reference) themselves.

In the secret places of our minds, we know how to get from A to B without roads, but to explain it, we have to cross private territory. The objective road might not even go there (you cain't get there from here). We have to follow the road because social convention determines objectivity (No Trespassing) so we're not allowed to form conclusions without referencing a source.

But there's other ways to orient direction from some constant reference point. For example the sun, or moon, or a steady wind, a compass, or the north star. These external references are perhaps basic truths like the laws of thermodynamics or quantum physics. They appear to be independent of territory or opinion (yes even quantum entanglement).

When you were around 7 or 10, you could cut across the neighborhood or decide to climb some mountain and then do it because you knew how in principal and nobody said you couldn't. You could also fly in your dreams. After awhile though, someone eventually said you couldn't.

Now you believe those people warn you of danger, and you need them to survive. So you limit yourself out of fear and to please them. You look normal. You have a car. You're (relatively) successful. You pay taxes for the "right" to BE someplace (any place). The road goes by your house. You're sane, and you're a punk.

One night you have a dream of stars beyond the horizon. The milky way is bright enough to see by, crushed weed stalks smell like spice resin, the ground is warm, dirt crunches as you lift off. You know the way.

Birds and animals are flying with you. Incidentally you see where your neighbor left her keys and how the car door got dented, but it seems irrelevant. Then you remember she wanted to know those things and you wake up. You wish you could go back but the sun is coming up and you have work to do.

You're eager to tell your neighbor about her keys but on reflection, you can't logically explain how you knew, she'll think you're the thief, so you don't.

Outside, wild geese are calling.