Sunday, January 01, 2017

Precognition and Schizophrenia

This is a list of some of my syncronicities, precognitive dreams &/or odd coincidences. It seems outstanding that this is all vaguely recognizable to everyone but it's ignored because it doesn't fit with any "context" except to the one who experienced it while it also casts doubt on the security of everyday causality. The only time I actually could have benefitted from it, when my skiff was stolen in Sausalito, I was unable to put the pieces together even though I knew something was happening. I'm leaning toward parallel consciousness, or maybe higher vs lower. Contrary to popular definition, the lower isn't aware of the etiology of events, and the "higher" is aware but doesn't assign meaning. They are actually the same but the lower maintains the internal dialog so is constantly caught up in hypster-like illusion because of second hand information and the limitations of description. The "higher" is the one that takes over when a large predator is sighted. There is no dialog. All eyes go there, birds, pikas, sheep, rabbits, deer, everyone. Every breath depends on what the lord predator does, the air is charged with portent. He shuts up the dialog and instantly re-defines the world. Maybe animals become gods by causing that change in consciousness. Awareness which is not socially relevant is subjective by default, though it occupies the greater usage of ones mental CPU. Social awareness is built on a learned verbal description of what's important, which limits what we allow ourselves to know to mostly things which we can verbally communicate. Those sources (social conventions) require trusting someone else's experience over our own, and though that process is the backbone of both fundamentalism and primate society, those sources may still be in error. (An irrefutable example is the process that elected George Bush II. Twice!). Causality is actually just a model of event succession/priority and, as a model, it isn't the actual thing; it's a description. Our internal dialog "manages" descriptions but everything it "knows" to be objective is based on other peoples opinions, which is a mean standard called sanity, and may or may not be true. Some version of schizophrenia is probably at work in the list below. I understand that it's now believed to be caused by environment and unspecified genetic factors. I hypothesize that those factors are a gene that bolsters brain cell connectivity rather than weakens it: since the Dendrite cells that connect brain cells are often duplicate contacts between the same cells and sometimes make connection with several other cells at the same time, they could send the same information to different kinds of cells to produce the observed effect of synaesthesia (theguardian.com) (hearing voices and seeing visions) when there's no physical external cause (no sound and no physical animation). This kind of connection could also result in vivid imaginations, creativity, and exceptionally free association. The multiplicity of Dendrites also weakens the signal (which is known to be electronic and of finite strength which when equally divided between multiple carriers divides the strength among them). Here's another interesting link along those lines. All are traits associated with schizophrenia. The "different kinds of cells" is a description of a variety of ways of learning, there are 7 kinds of these cells called Neurons (for example verbal, visual, or physical). Some cultures place a high value on these traits because they offer other ways of perceiving the world which could present beneficial future choice options to all the people (or at least any believers). Since it's often not a survival trait, schizophrenia's genetic selection would be through social rather, than natural means, by a class of believers who are scraping for options (such as starving tribal members, seer believers, or psychologists in need of funding). There's also this: "In 1984 a British homemaker was reading at home when a voice told her ..." additional fun video: New Experiments Show Consciousness Affects Matter ~ Dean Radin Ph.D These are some of the events I can remember. They'll probably seem to be someone else's ego trip to you but they're actually here to validate your own similar events.
  • 1952 magpie tail illustration in a bird book in Susanville (dream)
    When I was about 6, I dreamed a magpie was looking at me under his tail, & it was in a book. As I woke up, I thought it was a stupid illustration because you couldn't see any of the other markings on the bird, only the tail, feet and head, and I considered it before going to breakfast. Later that day our family went to visit a friend of my Dad's on a ranch south of Susanville, they were talking in the kitchen and I was bored so I looked at a picture book about birds. There was the same magpie illustration. I showed it to pop & told him about the dream, he didn't make fun of me but I got the impression that he didn't know what to think either.
  • About the same time
    I found a 2-1/2 dollar gold piece (1851) when pop was digging up a place to plant a garden. then I decided to dig a hole between the sidewalk and the street in front of our house on Maple street. I found a cement step about 4 inches deep that was probably used before the street curb was put in. Another time I decided to dig a hole behind a neighbors house because there was something interesting about that spot. I found their septic line. I didn't know what it was so I hit it w/ the shovel blade till it broke, then I covered it up. Their drains backed up & they had to dig it all up to find the problem. I kept my mouth shut.
  • saying or doing what's expected of me without being told.
    In the 7th grade, Mrs. Saunderson (my teacher) was writing something on the chalkboard with her back turned, she was saying to herself "... now someone like (me) will jump up and say 'teacher that's wrong' " thinking that was my cue, I stood up and said it was wrong. Her cynicism overflowed and she berated me in front of the class. Nobody else heard her talking to herself. I wondered why she set me up and have since decided that reading her body language tuned me into her actual internal dialog. That also happened with my pop who often thought I was abnormal if not an idiot. When I was about 5 or 6 he asked me the riddle: What walks on 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the afternoon, and 3 in the evening? I said it was a man who crawls as a baby ... etc. It just seemed reasonable because I'd probably become familiar with the concept of parables in sunday school. That spooked him out some & he looked at me funny. I asked him if that was right, he walked away and didn't answer. I concluded that sometimes people don't want you to tell what they ask.
  • Around 1962 or '64,
    My brother Cole & I took a summer vacation & drove out to Nevada through Susanville & Eagle Lake & up north of Fallon. We turned off on a random dirt road that went east through the sagebrush. There was a spring & stock tank where we spent the night with around 80 Jack rabbits that came up to nibble the grass & get a drink from the overflow. I woke up early before light and couldn't get back to sleep, so I got up and hiked down the creek in the pre dawn light just to see what was there. There was a stone cabin w/ no roof and a small fireplace built into the far right hand corner from the door. It also had a stone floor. it felt Spanish or Basque. I looked around a bit and hiked back to camp thinking Cole would be wondering where I'd gone if he woke up. When I got there, I got back in bed to wait for dawn. Later I told Cole about it but he said he never saw it so I took him down to show him. It wasn't there, so I decided I'd dreamed it. About 10 or 12 years later, I was in the same area & decided to camp there & have one of the rabbits for dinner. There were no rabbits then, but I noticed a stone sheep corral nestled against a rock cliff about 2 miles away. I went to look. There was a roofless stone cabin w/ a stone floor & a small fireplace in the far right corner.

  • Early '70's:
    In the peace corp, I'd met a Canadian guy named Mike Ballentine from Toronto. We became friends & agreed to meet under the golden gate bridge in 10 years. it never happened & I never heard from him again, but one day I decided to drive up to Vancouver BC to visit him. He wasn't home & hadn't been there for several years. When I got back to Woodland, my folks told me that Mike & his girlfriend had stopped by to see me.
  • Sack of vw tools in Berkeley.
    In the early '70s I had car trouble, my clutch started slipping, I couldn't afford to take it to a shop, I never pulled an engine, and didn't have the tools. So I walked uptown to have some coffee & consider my prospects (didn't drive because the clutch was out). While crossing a random street, I glanced up the block and spied an innocuous brown paper lunch sack on the curb. I had a distinct impression (a voice in my head) that the sack contains the tools I needed. I thought "That's illogical" and continued up to the CafÈ. Thoughts about the bag keep gnawing on me though, so I resolved to look on the way back, if it was still there. It was, and there are the tools). The voice said "and remember that I told you" I said OK. The sack contained a 3/8 snap-on swivel ratchet, several metric sockets, a compression tester, and a couple of open end wrenches. (seems like there was something else too but I don't recall). I did fix the car and kept it running for 10 yrs. till it finally rusted apart. I still have them and make extra money fixing peoples cars. I've wondered who left them there & if there was some way to return them but I've come to the conclusion they were left there for anyone who needed them, which is a Berkeley neighborhood tradition.
  • peyote song
    When I was selling sandals in Berkeley, a bully named Sundance gave me some peyote (3 small dried buttons), I took 2 and heard an indian singing the same wierd song over and over. I felt somehow that I was supposed to learn it, but otherwise didn't recognize it and thought it was an hallucination. I later learned it was a peyote power song, and it would have protected me my entire life. I still feel protected, but I can't point to a source.
  • In Berkeley around 1972
    I had dreams of being in Berkeley or Oakland at night. Some black guys are taunting me, I don't know what I did, maybe just being white in the wrong neighborhood. I cant get away and have no place to go anyway. One guy shows me his knife & I loose my cool and attack him w/my own knife. I'm hacking his head off when another black guy w/ different vibes comes up and says "Don't, don't kill him" and gives me some bright green stuff. I wake & wonder what the green stuff was, it wasn't money because it was rubbery and too green. Several years (10+) later I read on the internet that many African tribes used lettuce as a peace offering. Another time, I was having nightmares about black people. In one dream a black girl came to me & said her name was Dahomy, and that I should carry a ball of beeswax in my pocket so black people won't bother me. I got one & it worked.
  • Nimitz Freeway collapse, about '72 or '73
    I'm driving north on the bottom level of the Nimitz freeway in Oakland. somebody inside my head jolts to existence and says "hm, must be an earthquake." whoever it was was coming home from work driving a nicer car than mine (silver gray sedan). I (they) look up to see the upper level begin to move south, thinking "... that shouldn't happen ..." bits of cement fall from the joints exposing rebar. it continues to fall, there's no place to escape, "... I'll be killed!" the car roof collapses, my head is jammed into my ribcage. there's not enough time to panic. I avoided driving on that road afterwards. On October 17 1989 at 5:04 p.m. the Loma Prieta Earthquake knocked down that section of freeway w/ 39 casualties. An investigation determined there was insufficient rebar tying supports to the decks and that the flaw had been known for years.

  • mid '70s (dream): melted corner on my green plastic tap & die case.
    I dreamed the corner of my tap & die case was melted. At the time my dad had the case and we weren't speaking so it must have been mid '70s. I was disappointed because things might fall out and it looked shoddy. When I woke up, I was relieved it was a dream. When pop moved to a rest home, I retrieved the case. About 2006 I was gas welding and didn't look where I held the torch, it melted a 3 inch piece of the corner of the green plastic. I recognized the shape. I still have the case.
  • mid september '72 or '73.
    I'm in Montana on the blackfoot reservation visiting Tom, Rance & Art Connel & their folks on St. Marys Lake. It's september & winter comes in like "The Day After Tomorrow", I drive up through Glacier Park towards Seattle heading for warmer climate on the coast when my generator bearing starts to scream. The fan on the generator cools the 36 hp engine so I have to turn the engine off. I turn around and coast down hill, there's no place to pull off. At the bottom of the hill is an old road down to a creek. I go down it to find a flat pace to park for the night. It's getting dark, I make tea & hear voices. there's 2 deer hunters hiking down the hill who stop to chat, one says he has a generator at home near Kalispell that I can have and brings it to me the next morning. I'm totally grateful to that guy.
  • about '75: knowledge of the direction and approximate area/distance that folks moved from Woodland to Loma Rica when we weren't speaking.
  • offshore in Sausalito ('76 to '79).
    A helicopter taxi service started up from the seaplane landing terminal on Richardsons bay. Their ad line was: "Bee Line, anywhere in the bay area in less than 10 minutes" mainly for rich commuters and important business meetings. The houseboat people hated them because they flew low across the water (<80 feet), the noise was deafening, and they catered to the top 1%. So I planned to get rid of them by sympathetic magic, I bought a helicopter scale model kit and painted it to look like the ones they used, with yellow & black stripes like a Bee. I hung it from the ceiling of my houseboat and assumed possession of the business. I constantly told the plastic model that the noise would wreck the business. Finally it was too much with the noise & negative energy of having the model in the ceiling. I took it out and put it in the bay. It sank. The next day the company stopped flights and filed bankruptcy.

  • Trip to Stockton
    John Bamby (AKA Rupert Pickles) and I went from Gate 6 up the Sacramento river on his govt surplus buoy tender (40 ft cedar launch w/ Budha diesel) to get masts for our boats from the PG&E pole yard in Stockton because we could tie up directly to their pier and they'd load the poles on for us. We spent 2 days checking out the delta and visiting people. One of the people lived next to a haunted island where nobody would spend the night (except for high school kids on halloween). A previous resident was said to haunt the island and he had a threatening attitude. They were all serious and we were fascinated of course so we moored there and spent the night. About 2 Am I awoke and felt some kind of invisible malevolence walk along the plank that served as a dock. I felt he didn't do anything because we were in Rupert's boat and not actually on his island. I thought maybe it was an animal but I couldn't see it. I tried to talk to it but nothing happened. On the way back down the river, we had to shoot a section of the river near Pittsburg that had 4 foot rapids when the tide was going out. It was getting late and we were worried about doing that in the dark. I'd seen a cove on an island on the way up but the banks all looked the same in the dark, except for a dim red light next to the water in the stretch of river where I thought the cove should be. I assumed it was a light shining through the sparse bushes from the opposite shore beyond the narrow point in the island, and told Rupert we could tie up there if he flipped a 270 deg turn and went in slowly. He was skeptical but more worried about the fast river in the dark than easing slowly into tules. So he turned reluctantly and we successfully spent the night there in a secluded cove moored to some willows. The next morning we saw that it was the cove I'd seen on the way up, but there was no way a light could have shown through the brush, the trees were too thick at the height of the place where I'd seen the light, and there was also a bank. Nobody lived on the island (that we could see). He kept asking me how I knew and why I was so certain. I couldn't explain it given the evidence.
  • Also in Sausalito: Feather & fern in my skiff
    When offshore I found flight feathers from birds floating in the water or washed up along the shore, some were associated w/ strange occurrences and a funny feeling in my stomach when I moved them through the air, sort of like I was flying. So I had several around. one was a Pelican feather, which seemed to have the most power & some turkey vulture feathers which had next most power and barn owl feathers which didn't have much but felt peaceful. When hiking on Wolfback ridge just west of Sausalito (stands between the ocean and the bay), there were some very old cedars w/ a lot of character growing on a knoll w/ a ravine, they had leather ferns growing along their branches. I wanted some of that character in my boat so I brought home some of the ferns and bark they were rooted on, and "planted" them on the wall of my boat. I really liked it and promised the trees I'd bring it back when I was done or if it didn't work out. One morning I found one of the fern fronds and a Pelican feather in my skiff, which was clipped to the stern of my houseboat. I felt it was some kind of omen but I couldn't figure out what it meant. That night someone stole the skiff by cutting the lanyard. I think I knew who it was.
  • Out of body experiences
    I was sitting in my boat (35 ft lifeboat hull rigged as a leeboard ketch but unfinished, picture above) with some broccoli and hamburger stew on the stove. I was reading a book I think about boats. I glanced at my cooking and saw a semi transparent man standing beside the stove. He looked kind of threatening & I attributed him to a combination of general Waldo Point ambiance and old hallucinogenic trips, so I ignored him, but I glanced back later and he was still there. That was unique. So I figured I'd have to deal with him. Having long come to terms with hallucinations I knew I shouldn't pay too much attention to unpleasant parts, so I stood up without looking at him and walked down the companion way within an inch or 2 of him and turned to put him on my left with the stove on my right. A voice plainly said "don't mess with him, don't look him in the eyes" I did look him in the eyes, they were flat black with no white or iris. He was covered with short black or dark brown hair, wiry muscles and horns and goatee so that his head was triangular. He turned and looked at a postcard picture of a buffalo that I had pinned to the wall. His head seemed to be a buffalo head but his hands and feet had talons like an eagle or bear that never walked on them. He glared at me and non verbally claimed that I was his dream and should follow his directions, I disagreed and realized I was investing too much energy in him, so I picked up a pinch of resin incense that was in a packet on the counter and threw it on the hot stove. The smoke poofed up and I waifed it towards him with a vulture flight feather. He bounced twice and flew out through the skylight. I closed the skylight. There were 3 knocks on the roof and 3 splashes in the water. I didn't go out to see if he was gone. A weird pallor hung around me for days, people would step out of my way and nobody crossed me. Another boat nearby had a watchdog that used to bark at me, but he ran below deck when he saw me. More non verbal communication for the next few days. I told him that he was creating dichotomies and claiming they were something else before mistreating them, and if he was actually me, why was he so domineering and scary looking. I kept telling him to go away but he popped up several times over the next few years. Once in Fort Bragg at Noyo, I was sleeping in my van under some eucalyptus and he appeared behind me in a cubby hole part of my vans cabinetry, he was behind me but I could see him like he was in front, I asked what he wanted (to establish which of us was patron and which was plebeian) he disappeared. A few months or years later I saw him in a green bush, he was green too, he was looking down. I told him to go away and he did. That was about 1995, I saw him once more at Barbaras but he was green, looking down to my right. I told him to go away again, and he became part of the bushes. I haven't seen him since. I've sometimes suspected he might be the same guy from the haunted island in the delta where we stopped on the trip to Stockton, and maybe he followed me. I've heard rumors of other people who have similar experiences but no explanation other than some kind of delusion. Fine, but how come other cultures have different interpretations and some even exploit it using rules of behavior, but my redneck hippy western anglo culture doesn't. how? why? what's to be gained?
  • 1978 Sausalito, Dream of african funeral music.
    Red brick towers w/ ledges, a black man is jumping from tower to tower in time to some music played on some kind of drum w/ tubes that make a deep flutelike sound. the musicians are all old men, they ask why I'm there, I say to honor the dead. they smile and clap. Several days or weeks later I'm preparing to ride to the rainbow festival in NM. Sitting in the bus, I hear that SAME music playing on Berkeley public radio, KPFA. The radio announcer says the music is E African funeral music, the song title was "tears".
  • & About 1984 Anza Borego trail, & memory of a place I'd never seen.
    My Ex & I drove her car to LA to visit her mom. On the way we drove through Anza Borego National wilderness and hiked down to an oasis with 9 palm trees. It stank because park visitors went uphill to poop and the water was stagnant. It all seemed familiar. I'd never been there, but I knew the lay of the land and that the Univ. of Santa Barbara &/or Fresno state college had done a bio survey of the oasis. The memory was from a TV documentary (B/W with bad reception?), that I can't seem to place though it may have been at my folks in Loma Rica or woodland. The study must have been years before, I can't say how long those changes "keep" in the desert, the oasis looked like it had been done recently. One of the palms had dropped a bunch of it's dead fronds that collect under the top because someone had pulled one to get a sample. There was a 1 foot square hole dug to the water table to measure the rate of flow and evaporation, bees came for miles to get water, but there were no other animal footprints except rabbits and people. We decided to start hiking back early because the sun was getting low, but rather than follow the map trail we'd come in on, I "remembered" there was a shorter trail back along the top of the ridge, I looked for it and found it. it cut about 1/2 mile off the hike back. That info was unlikely to have been in a documentary.
  • Cows talking at Helen's, mid '80s
    I think cows are smarter than dogs. I was burning trash in a fire pit in the middle of a field. the adjoining field had 4 cows who came running up to the fence looking agitated, I look at the lead steer and ask "what's wrong?" in the middle of his forehead between his eyes, a tiny orange flower appears (Scarlet pimpernel, Anagallis arvensis), which someone once told me was prickly and fiery hot to eat:
    "Anagallis arvensis is generally unwelcome as a cosmopolitan invasive species; it is harmfully toxic in several respects and accordingly undesirable in pastures. Perhaps fortunately, the plant is acrid and bitter, and grazing livestock generally avoid eating it except in conditions of overgrazing or grazing of unsatisfying stubble. Experimental feeding of the plant material to various animals, such as horses and dogs, caused gastroenteritis.[12]" (Wikipedia).
    The cows are concerned about the fire and look at me intently for a cue. I turn my head to look at it to acknowledge the topic and say as relaxed as possible (body language) "it's ok". The cows relax immediately and their heads go down to graze in unison.
    They were all terrified of the farm butcher's truck. I overheard Jim tell Helen that the butcher was coming tomorrow for the old boss cow, I liked that cow even though she wasn't too friendly, she was definitely the boss and watched out for the others. I told her that the truck was coming for her tomorrow. She looked at me seriously to verify if I was making some kind of mean joke, I realized she understood me perfectly, I said "I'm sorry, it's true" and I was sorry and embarrassed, what do you say to a condemned leader? That night she went to the far corner of the pasture and died. Jim was mad because the butcher wouldn't cut up a downer, so the meat was lost. (he'd rather get mad than do butchering himself, so he blamed the cow for outsmarting him). I was on the cows side.
  • 1983 hawk at Helen's diving on the quail:
    I was working in Helen Sansi's garage when I had a vision that I was flying into a flock of quail, there were some quail eating birdseed in front of the garage, so I walked to the open door to look at them because the vision was outstanding. A small hawk or falcon swooped straight and silent from about 10 feet up in the redwood tree on my left, across the drive and took a young quail from the flock. he flew over the fence and down the hill. the quail was cheeping loudly. the others scattered. The quail knew me and for a second they let their guard down in my direction. I was a diversion. I think the hawk set me up as a stalking horse.
  • Snake at Helen's, '83 or '84 early summer or late spring.
    I'd caught a little snake and put it in a Jar w/ a formed screen lid. I didn't know what to feed it (him) so after a few days, I asked the snake what he wanted to eat. I had a distinct vision of a small black twig like creature, with an associated impression of rich flavor and energy sort of like an egg. the creature moved slowly or not at all. It seemed like a garden slug. I caught one and put it in the jar to see if the snake would eat it. He came out immediately, caught the slug by the tail and peeled it off the glass with a flip and swallowed it. The snake was satisfied and didn't ask for more. I gave him several more over the next few days, he liked the smaller black ones better than the bigger spotted ones. He stayed in the jar for a week or more after I purposely left the lid off and he crawled away.
  • Uncle Bill Conley
    I was sitting on the bed in my trailer at Helen's and had a fairly intense feeling about Uncle Bill. He sort of appeared at the far end of my bed, not so much his features as his feeling and some colors. He said "Hi Beely" (his daughter Lydia calls me Beely), "you were always a favorite nephew. I'm taking off now and I hope you have a good life, you're a capable kid and I want you to watch out for Lydia and James & Carl", (I don't think he mentioned Grace, but maybe that's my selective memory). then he turned red, then blue and then clear and disappeared. I learned later that he'd died from emphysema in Chico at about that time.
  • voice about Barbara
    After I split up w/ Cheryl, I was driving up just past the first hill on little lake road in Mendocino, there was a blond nerdy looking girl riding her bike up the road, I checked her out and a voice told me she would save my life, I thought "unlikely". I later learned she was Barbara Faulkner, she taught Ilana to play the piano and later gave me a piece of her property for no reason, and treated me w/ respect when I was homeless. If that saved my life, it implies a single time track, or maybe no free will, but there may be more yet to occur.
  • around '06 or '09:
    I suddenly have a desire to hike down J rd. in Albion. J rd is gated, and goes for miles into Mendocino Redwood logging property but only has one house (& trailer). I'd met a girl at the store who asked me if I could fix her phone line, she lived in the trailer. She was a dress designer looking for a place to set up shop where she could do mail order through the internet and stores in SF. I thought I'd stop by and see if things were ok, nobody was home at the trailer but I heard voices, so I walked down to her landlady's garage where she was also storing stuff. They were having an intense argument and the dress designer was about to go ballistic because the landlady had decided to use her sofa in the house and wouldn't let her have it back. The dress designer wanted to move because she was so far out of the fashion loop on J rd (understandable) but couldn't because she wanted to sell off some furniture to finance the move and the landlady knew she would loose a renter if she did. (it's not that renters are scarce in Albion, rather that the landlady was notoriously Royal). I calmed them down and convinced the landlady to let her have the sofa. The dress designer later confided that she was an inch away from violence and I'd arrived just in time. She was secretly into occult and showed me her secret circle in the woods where she invoked whatever she wanted to manifest. She was respectful to me but I had the impression that she took credit (or whatever it was) for my turning up when I did, and thought of me more as a pawn. I only saw her one more time at the store, she had a tall guy with her who also looked like a pawn.
  • 3 sep 09-
    Last night I dreamed there were large yellow flowers like dahlias or peonies. They had dead birds in them. One flower had a mother bird on the ground below trying to warm a chick that had fallen out of it's nest. It was an english sparrow, the chick was still alive but cold. I held it in my hand to warm it, and woke. Last spring a flycatcher built a nest in my shop, but a jay found the nest and tore it apart. Today I was cleaning behind stuff on the floor and found one of the chicks that had been pulled out (dead 3 months), pretty sad.
  • dec 8th '09
    late and the rain coming down hard, a steady loud roar on the plastic. I heard harmonic sounds like bells, choir singing, & kids calling. it sounded like angles above the roof, christmas greeting. I asked can I come too? they said not till you die. (kinda chilly greeting). something like the aeolian flute sound that wind makes, except w/ a western diatonic scale.
    Jan 25 '10: OK now this is weird: on 23 jan '10 I saw Avatar (movie) there was a part where the hero connects w/ the ancestor tree, the sounds of the ancestors was like the singing above the roof. once in Berkeley I dreamed parts of the plots of some newly released (then) movies (something about glass breaking at a large aquarium w/ a tunnel, people swimming w/ sharks and broken glass). At the time I suspected I was picking up on the emotions of someone in the neighborhood who had seen the movie. I hadn't seen it at that time but later recognized it from a reference and gif on the internet.
    3 Feb it's raining and I hear the music again. It seems to be African women tribal singing.
    7 feb '10, I dreamed of an 8 yr old ballet girl that I'm escorting on an airplane to a performance, there's rails and a mini-gym in the plane. I sleep, she works out. she steals my heart. we arrive (in Montreal? olympics) she leaves & I become superfluous. I recognize the feeling in my chest for the same one that drives me to write this stuff and look for proofs of magical connections. ... whatever it is?
  • dec 9th '15
    The blue Mazda Francine gave me is overheating. I can't get a new radiator from Amazon because they don't ship to a PO box even though the address I gave them is also a street address, I don't see it as a boolean exclusion till it's too late. It won't get here in time to drive to Santa Rosa to catch the flight to NC to visit Ilana. I pour in radiator sealer and hope for the best. I make it to SR but decide to visit my folks graves in Willows on the way back because I'm already half way there and it seems to be fixed. the car overheats going over mt. St. Helena. I coast back towards hwy 128 but it starts to misfire and won't run at all (blown head gasket). I start to walk back to the crossroads to get 2 more cans of radiator stop-leak from a gas station there. A truck picks me up (in Sonoma County! now that's incredible) but I have to walk back to the car from the gas station. it's getting dark and a storm is coming. nobody stops. I don't know how far the car is (about 2 or 3 miles) because I was riding so I'm looking for landmarks from the first part of the walk before I was picked up. I see 3 of them ( a guard rail w/ a blackberry vine and barking dogs on the hill). I'm trusting my gut that I can find the car like I found a mooring in the cove on the sacramento river. But I DON'T see the car, and walk right past it in the dark! So I keep walking for another mile or so. I enter Mendocino county and a car stops to ask if I need help. The drivers name is Brian, he's a good guy, he says he passed my car and gives me a ride back. I pour in both cans of sealer, it starts and runs smoothly. Brian follows me back towards Cloverdale in case I have any more trouble. I drive back to Albion w/o further trouble. I'm kinda ashamed to have seen the landmarks but not the car, I was bull headed & should have stopped to look around more closely. It wasn't fatal but it was stupid except for the coincidences that resolved it. Brian might have been some kind of helpful spirit. That would imply an observer outside of my time continuity. But how could that work? Why would anyone outside of my continuity be concerned if they weren't actually me? Maybe we can extend our continuities to overlap under certain conditions. What conditions? Maybe desperation, or authentic need. This is why I'm not filthy rich and ruling the world w/ an iron fist, the overlapped continuity has to be harmonic, rich iron fisted rulers usually aren't. Lastly, if there is no free will then how was there a mistake and how did I perceive the events that might have been a correction.
I get to know how this works because somebody owes me (so pay up). Cultures with other ways of dealing with schizophrenia don't own it any more than anyone else. Nitzche said that if you look into the abyss long enough, it looks back at you. Hi -----------------------------------------------
Ok here's what's to be gained (maybe) & I'm sorry but it involves sympathetic magic (see above #
13 & 16). It's not any more unbelievable than evidence of an holographic universe (sciencedaily), where somebody says "hey this has the same characteristics and behaves like that other thing, maybe they're the same": this link says they're NOT the same(Scientific American) So it's about the same as non-locality, &/or the universe as a computer simulation (you tube). One creates a representation of a solution to the problem in question (either physical like Pinocchio, or represented through shamanic song & dance), and relates to it as the actual solution. The wave form manifests instead of the physical particle. It happens. A certain amount of humility is required for this to occur because if you think you're usurping gods power or violating the laws of physics, then you are, because you're comparing (measuring) the result to see if it actually happened & entanglement is disrupted :) This is also probably an explanation for the faith and diligent ignorance of true believers. The magician knows if he measures the result, it'll loose entanglement (but he probably doesn't phrase it that way because he probably knows even less about quantum physics than I do), so he exhorts some people to believe something on faith, then retreats to the inner sanctum to smoke cigars and watch his stocks go up because of their belief.